I was chatting with a colleague last week, and she leaned in and asked, “So how did you get to be a dating coach, anyway?” I took a deep breath, knowing that what I was about to say would likely change the trajectory of the conversation. Then I told her all about how during the process of my marriage unravelling, I realized how lacking the development of my sexuality had been, and how sad that made me feel. I told her of my commitment then and there to do something about that, and how that led me to a practice called Orgasmic Meditation.
She stopped cold, her mouth gaping open. “What?”
Me, with the knowing smile (this is how it usually goes): “Yeah, it’s a partnered practice where the woman takes off her pants, lays down on some pillows, and a stroker (usually a man) strokes the upper-left-hand quadrant of her clitoris with his index finger for 15 minutes with no goal in mind.”
In between her doing a quick Google search and sorting out what all of that might mean in her brain, I shared that my life had been so profoundly changed by this practice that I became a certified trainer so I could share it with others. I also explained that the experiences I’d had and the lessons I’d learned during the course of my practice are the foundation of what I do with the women that I coach – with the exception being that my clients get to keep their pants on. 🙂
A few of the core principles that I’ve been exposed to, and what I now teach are:
- Agreeing on what’s going to happen helps people relax and open up
- Expanding your ability to feel (as opposed to think) deepens your trust with yourself. If you can trust yourself, you can do anything you want
- Doing what we think we should instead of doing what we want usually just means we take a really long road to getting what we want, or we never get it
- Forcing something to happen almost guarantees that it won’t
- Telling the truth and being vulnerable brings people together
- It is more than ok to want what you want
- If you don’t hold clear boundaries, no one else will hold them for you
- As a woman, you don’t have to justify your existence through what you do; you can simply exist and that is enough
- Life is always going to have ups and downs; it’s not about mitigating the damage (or the downs), but about living it in a way that has you feel the most alive
And that’s the short list. There is so much more.
While I don’t believe that Orgasmic Mediation is for everyone, the principles are extremely valuable for navigating life, and especially relationships.
It’s not about sex, and it’s not not about sex. Fundamentally, it’s about how to live a life in acceptance of who you are and what you want. (This probably includes some aspects of sex – which isn’t so bad, right?)
You see, intimacy is the thing we all crave so desperately because it allows us to fully see and know ourselves. We get to know things about ourselves that we can’t possibly know in isolation. When true intimacy is achieved, it feels so beautiful and familiar, because you’ve come home to who you really are.
More than three years of research into this realm has taught me so much more than I ever thought I could know about myself. I love using the tools I’ve gained to support you all in having the relationships that you want. Pants optional, of course!*
I imagine this post has sparked lots of comments and questions for you. Feel free to leave them in the comments below, or email me directly with them.
*Get your mind out of the gutter! Pants are optional because I work with my clients remotely, so you can wear pants while we’re on a call or not…totally up to you! 🙂