I know so many of your are here because you’ve given up hope that you can have the relationship you want. Given up that love is possible for you again.
And from where I sit, I completely relate. So I wanted to share with you what I do when I feel this way.
My life has been such that I feel this way about more than just relationships. I sometimes feel this way about parenting. I sometimes feel this way about where I want to live. I sometimes feel this away about my relationship with my ex-husband. I sometimes feel this way about my career. I sometimes feel this way about my parents. I literally sometimes feel this way about everything.
It’s the place where I know what I want, and the way to have it just isn’t clear. I can see it, and I have no freaking clue what to do next.
But here’s the thing that I have known to be true for the last 41 years (and I don’t see it changing anytime soon): it always works out.
It really does always work out
It just does. And often, better than I ever could have imagined it would.
I think about the really low points in my life, like my divorce, where I thought I’d never be a whole, functioning person again. And look at me now – so much better than before. I just couldn’t see it then because I didn’t know what I didn’t know.
The life we want isn’t always delivered to us in the way we thought it would show up, but it eventually does show up. And it’s in the not-knowing how it’s going to happen that lots of us lose hope, that we give up because we just can’t see it.
There’s a bit of magic in hopelessness. When we don’t think something will ever happen, we drop all expectations of it. When we drop our expectations, we’re able to be more carefree with our choices, because choosing the wrong thing doesn’t have any weight to it.
No expectations doesn’t mean inaction
Does this mean that you can sit on your couch, eat bonbons, and wait for Mr. Right to show up right beside you? I think not.
Having no expectations for the relationship you want means you can actually do the wrong thing and see what happens. Try starting a random conversation at the grocery store. Compliment the man on the train on his shoes. Ask the guy you’ve had a crush on for years on a date.
It’s the difference being following every step in a recipe to the letter or making the biggest mess you can in the kitchen, not caring whether the thing you make is actually edible.
I don’t know about you, but the idea of making a big mess, covering myself in flour and laughing about it the whole time sounds pretty amazing. There’s always take out, right?
A life of joy
Here’s what I know I want. I want a life that’s playful and fun. And full of joy. Maybe you do too?
I hear so many women say, “Being in a relationship would make me feel so happy. It would be so fun to share my life with someone who really gets me. I have so much love to give and nowhere to put it right now.”
Here’s my challenge to you this week: find a way to have that joy today. Do something that makes you feel happy. Find a way to share your life with someone. Find a way to give the love you have to give.
Expect nothing in return. And maybe even try to make a mess…just because you can, and it’s fun.
How are you going to make a mess today? Tell me in the comments!