Happy 2018 over there!
I’m not going to ask about resolutions because I don’t do resolutions. I think they set us up for failure and put a lot of pressure on “future me.” I’m a fan of making the changes I want to make in the very moment I decide I want to change them (or at least doing something to set the change in motion).
So, in the spirit of doing the thing now, I want to talk about some changes I’m making in the way I date in the coming months (unless I decide something about them isn’t working and want to change it). You’re can use them, too, if you feel so inclined.
Put attention on your intention.
Just as you can’t say, “I want to be rich,” and then cross your fingers, do nothing and hope it happens, you can’t say you want a relationship and then sit back and wait.
When there is something you want, you have to back it with the full force of your commitment – You can’t make it an option for it NOT to happen.
There are a few steps to making the commitment to having the thing and then having the thing.
Get clear on the intention.
This can be as simple as getting clear about what you want to create. (Getting clear about the person as well as what you want to create together is a good idea.) This is truly the most work that should be involved in having the relationship you want.
Just to share an example, this is some of what I’m looking for in a man right now:
- He doesn’t wait to be asked.
- He shows up, he engages, he participates fully.
- He is generous with his time, attention and emotional support.
- He plays.
- He laughs.
- He learns what delights me, and does those things regularly.
- He loves my kid.
- He knows who he is and where he is going – and he wants to have us (me and the kid) along with him.
Sometimes the simple act of declaration is enough. But the part where not having it isn’t an option usually implies that we have to ATTEND to it to have it.
Attention doesn’t always look like action.
Think about watching the sunset. You’re definitely fixing your gaze and putting your attention on the sun setting over the horizon, but it probably looks like you’re doing nothing.
Putting attention on something puts you in a place to NOTICE the action so you can go WITH it. When you start paying attention to men in general, you’ll notice different things. You may notice you really respond to someone’s eyes. You may notice you like confidence.
You may also notice that putting your attention on men gets you a lot more attention from them. Why? Because when you are open you offer exactly the thing a man is looking for in a person to connect with: receptivity.
If a relationship is something you want, know that you can put attention on it without turning it into a whole bunch of to-dos. Here are a few ideas for putting attention on finding the partner you want, without it being work:
- Look every man I see in the eyes.
- Say hi to men on the street, in the grocery store, wherever I’m out and about.
- Start a conversation with someone new once a day.
- Share with my friends or co-workers about the relationship I want. (If I’m feeling wild and crazy, I can ask if they have people they think I should meet.)
- Do more of the things I really like to do, so that I might meet men with mutual interests.
How easy can you make it?
Let’s make finding the relationship you want right now the easiest thing ever. Start with setting your intention for the relationship and the man you want. Then decide on one thing you’re going to put your attention on to be open to the relationship you want being right in front of your face at any moment and share it in the comments so I can support you!