Last week I was a woman to be reckoned with. People stopped and stared in the grocery store, they let me in front of them in freeway traffic; there was a general parting of the seas wherever I went, in a good kind of way.
About a month ago, I heard a tiny voice within me tell me to do something.
(Nope, not gonna spill it at this moment, because the thing isn’t actually the point of this particular story.)
When I heard that tiny voice, I was horrified. It was intense, and I felt really exposed. You know, it felt like my tiny voice had just screamed from a mountain top and everyone in a 300-mile vicinity had heard it.
How could I do that? Could I?! Did I even want to anymore? How would it be received?
But shit, I had actually asked for the guidance. And guidance I had gotten.
The shit storm before the badassery.
In the 24 hours after hearing my tiny voice, I was basically on an airplane for most of it, so I pretty much had nothing to do but think. Uh oh. I second-guessed every bit of it.
Did I hear it correctly?
Was I supposed to do this thing out loud, in front of someone, or was it something I could do alone?
What would happen if…?
I was internally freaking out. I needed to get a grip. I mentally shook myself by the shoulders, and told myself that I needed to answer just one question: was I committing to do the thing or not? (The rest of the questions and freak outs were a moot point if I wasn’t going to do it.)
So I silently committed. No one knew it but me. And my only job between the moment of commitment and actually doing the thing was to get 100% right with it. (More on that another time.)
How to know when the tiny voice is real.
When your mind is racing, the tiny voice is nowhere to be found. You can’t hear the tiny voice unless all the other voices are really quiet. I tend to find my tiny voice in meditation, during movement outside in nature, or other times when I’m focused on something but not needing to think.
A crossroads of choice.
You always get to choose whether you heed the tiny voice or not. You, and you alone, will know if you did or didn’t. (Unless you go blabbing about it, and trying to get other people to weigh in, in which case everyone will know.)
Saying no is easy. It lets you off the hook, and keeps life looking like more of the same.
But, if you’re being honest with yourself:
You can feel it’s the right thing.
You feel the “hell yes” in your body. (Leave the thinking aside.)
When you imagine doing it, it feels good. It feels nourishing. It feels expansive.
Once you’re at that yes, the only thing to do is follow that tiny voice. And you only have to do the one little step. (Tiny voices don’t deliver full-on instruction manuals, at least in my experience.)
And you sure as hell don’t have to know what happens after that.
This is how you build belief in yourself when you don’t believe in yourself. You say yes to the part of yourself that knows exactly what you want and what you need to do to get there.
You don’t have to start off believing in yourself. Listening and heeding that small voice teaches you to do so.
When you say yes, the seas part.
So I did the thing. The most ballsy, most vulnerable thing I have ever done in my life. It felt incredible.
I was powerful. I was in full ownership of who I am and what I want. And no one’s response could change that.
The outcome? It’s still unfolding, and I’m totally fine with that.
And I was able to shop for groceries freely and change lanes in freeway traffic. Wins all around!
What is your tiny voice saying?
When is the last time you heard your tiny voice? What did it say? Haven’t heard it in a while? Ask it a question, and give a listen. I’d love to hear what comes up – leave a comment below and tell me.