Anybody else immediately think of Pulp Fiction when you read that? (I’m such a teenager of the ‘90s!)
Moving right along.
I got a little wistful the other day. I was on a mini road trip by myself, and I was thinking about some comments I’d read on a social media post…all easily summed up by women not thinking they’ll ever “arrive.” That they have to reach a particular place in life to be considered “enough.”
And I had a moment of immense gratitude for my journey to becoming the woman I am. It was through being willing to give up everything that I found myself and my sense of worth. (Before you freak out, giving it all up isn’t necessarily the right path for everyone, but it was for me.)
On the path to embracing all of me (which created the foundation for the kind of deep, connected relationships you’re seeking), I’ve learned a few core lessons that I thought I’d share with you. These are places that our worth often comes into question, so they are places ripe for growth and major shifts in your life.
Own your desire fully, even when it’s hard, and especially when it’s vulnerable.
What you want is what you want. It will still be what you want, even if others don’t want it. It will still be what you want, even if you pretend it’s not. It is a disservice to you and others when you pretend to want something that you really don’t.
Tell the truth, even when it’s hard, and especially when its vulnerable.
As humans, one of our deepest longings in the world is to feel connection. When we cover up what is true, that connection isn’t available. And then we tend to look toward all the things that are wrong with us as for an explanation of why the connection isn’t the way we want it to be. Up your commitment to telling the truth, and your connections will shift.
Let people feel you. Share what’s in your heart, not what’s in your head.
Humans are emotional beings. We relate to one another emotionally, not intellectually. When you let people feel you, they see you. This is how they learn how to respond to your needs in relationship.
Let yourself be seen.
Open, vulnerable, raw. It doesn’t matter if it’s the most shameful thing or the most beautiful thing, there is so much power in being witnessed. Connection is created; the beauty of the human experience is shared, and worthiness becomes a certainty.
The above could all be packaged up in one simple principle: knowing your own rightness (aka: trusting yourself).
Who and what you are, in whatever state is the most authentic to you, is right. When you embrace this fully, you engage with your world differently. And as a result, people will engage with you differently. Get right with who you are, and the world will reflect your rightness to you.
Becoming the woman you’re meant to be.
In my life, embracing these ideas has looked like having stronger, deeper, more connected and intimate relationships with men. Healing difficult relationships with people like my ex-husband and my mother – and broadening the depth of relationships I have with friends and strangers alike. It has changed the relationship I have with my son, so that I can be the most loving mama I know how to be, while still preserving my autonomy so that motherhood (or martyrdom) isn’t my only role.
What could embracing these ideas for yourself lead to in your life?