I love it when someone asks the question, “Should I do X, or should I do Y?”
Actually, not true. It’s really the worst question ever.
I’m going to share with you what the problem with this question is, and why it often brings a less-than-desirable outcome.
- Asking someone else for advice on your life totally takes you out of the driver’s seat. (Plus, their experiences and their advice are tainted with, well, their experiences.) This will probably always have you feeling like you thought you made a good choice, but it didn’t quite pan out the way you’d planned.
- It presumes that there are only two choices! Should I try to make my business work or get a job? Should I cancel my girls’ weekend, or chaperone my kids on their school field trip? There are so many options on the spectrum in-between these two. Let’s see if we can get a little creative here.
- It also presumes that you actually want both of those choices, but are having a hard time choosing. In actuality, this question mostly comes up when you’re trying to pick from what you see as two less-than-awesome choices.
It’s weird, in a way. When presented with two apparent choices, we often feel like we have to choose one of them. Guess what? You don’t.
The question that brings so much more clarity, so much faster?
“What do I want?”
It seems so simple, so basic, but it is a game-changer. Pause asking the questions you’ve been weighing, and ask yourself what you want.
Most of the apparent problems won’t even enter the picture as a problem, and you’ll feel clear about what to do to head in the direction of what you want.
Don’t kick yourself over it.
When I ask this question – especially if you haven’t spent much time around me – you might look at me, and then smack yourself in the forehead, disappointed that it never occurred to you to even ask that question.
It’s not your fault. In a culture where we’re not always taught that what we want is a good thing, or that it’s ok to have things you want for yourself, lots of us are just plain out of the habit.
Build new habits.
This is often the case with my clients. They know the concepts, but are so out of touch with the habit that would prove useful, the question isn’t in their awareness for that particular problem.
One of the best things about living life on your terms is that it requires you being connected to you and what you want. And then applying a handful of other principles from there.
The good news? Those principles aren’t arbitrary – they are a set of repeatable habits that can be built over time to strengthen your awareness of yourself, your belief in yourself, and seeing the evidence that you can have what you want in a way that feels good.
I’ve got a new 1:1 coaching program – Make Your Happiness Count – in it, I’ll teach you all the habits, and I’ll show you how to use them in your life, in a way that works for you. We’ll also unpack what gets in the way of you making yourself more of a priority in your life. You can check it out if you want to learn more.
In the comments below, tell me, what’s something that you’ve been asking yourself while weighing Choice X vs Choice Y? What would happen if you asked yourself what you want instead?