Well, look at that…it’s 2019! Happy New Year to you!
I always take the week between Christmas and New Year’s to reflect on the year that’s wrapping up, and do some dreaming, and set some intentions for the year to come.
As I come of out of that, the one thing I know is that I no longer have room for things in my life that don’t make me feel expansive.
Yes, expansive. So, if there’s something I want to do, and I think about it, and my chest opens and my shoulders pull back a little bit and I can breathe deeper and my heart beats a little faster and I can feel the sun on my face because it feels like my whole body is closer to the sky…then it’s expansive.
If it doesn’t feel expansive, I’m not doing it. And I don’t think I’ll ever go back.
I ain’t trying to rub it in, though…
I’m not sharing this to have you feel like you’re not doing it right if you don’t feel this way right this moment.
I’m sharing it because I know, without a doubt, I would not be here if I hadn’t allowed myself to fall apart.
And it’s the thing I see people resisting so hard. Nobody wants to fall apart.
It’s the thing we fear the most, right? If I fall apart, will I just be negative and dark and lazy forever? If I fall apart, I might have to face some things about myself that feel really scary (because they might be true.) If I fall apart, who will love me? If I fall apart, how will I keep spinning all the plates I’ve got spinning? If I fall apart, who will people count on?
And the scariest one of all, if I fall apart, will I ever put myself back together?
Of course you will. Nothing in life ever stays the same – it’s the one truth of life. When you fall apart, you can’t just keep falling apart forever, there’s only so much falling apart to be had. And then you’ll naturally choose to build back up.
Think of the impact an earthquake has on a house.
Let’s say you live in a house that suffers the damage of a major earthquake. In the inspecting of the damage, cracks in the foundation are apparent. Do you scrap the entire thing and say “fuck it”?
You repair the cracks. You shore up the foundation so that an earthquake of the same magnitude couldn’t shake it if it tried. You make it better and stronger than it was before.
The breakdowns help us to become more of who we are.
My breakdowns were trying to tell me that there was more to life for me than the one I was living. More love, more connection, more opportunity, more money, more ease, more adventure, more joy, more of literally everything I had always wanted.
My breakdowns were telling me, you don’t have to keep proving yourself to be a good human and to have a good life. You can just have a good life.
My breakdowns were telling me, stop beating yourself up. Stop making your life harder than it needs to be.
My breakdowns (and there have been at least a handful!) have been my teachers. They have made me and my life into what it is today.
But I wouldn’t have learned if I hadn’t been willing to fall apart.
We can never know where we’ll end up on the other side of a breakdown. But I can tell you for sure that it is the only way to break through.
If you’re starting the new year with a less-than-expansive feeling, don’t be hard on yourself. Ask instead, what’s needs to break down so that you can break through?
And, whether you’re breaking down or breaking through, make sure you surround yourself this year with people who are gonna love you no matter which one you’ve got going on. (Ahem, I know this woman named Rachel who does this really well…let me know if you’d like an introduction. 😉
What about you? Leave a comment below and tell me what needs to break down OR what you think is trying to break through. (Or, if you’re really on it, both!)