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I love a good story, and I know you do, too. 

I share my stories because I want people to believe in the possibility for their lives to change in beautiful, amazing ways they never could have imagined. (Don’t fret, there’s a great story at the end!)

Seriously, over the course of the last six years, I’ve:

• Left a job that was killing my soul and found the one that makes me excited to do it, every single day.

• Received more money than I’d ever received in my life.

• Recalibrated everything in my life so that I can be me, fully. If I can’t, I don’t do it.

• Healed all of my intimacy issues and re-written myself entirely as a sexual being. 

• Gone from being pretty resentful and tired of having a child with special needs to seeing him in my life in a whole new way, and a much deeper love and appreciation for him.

• Created intimate relationships that have blown away all of my expectations, ever. 

• Moved from a relationship of contempt and resignation with my mother into one of mutual love and respect and care. 

• Healed from a divorce and have developed a stronger relationship with my ex-husband than ever.

Here’s what I didn’t do.

I didn’t do it by reading someone’s story and trying to apply the principles. I had to get in the trenches and do the work. And by work, I don’t mean trying, I mean being really aware and present of who and how I was being in the world, and whether that was who and how I wanted to be. (And, I needed someone to call bullshit when I tried to wiggle out of it because it was uncomfortable. Besides, I’m a pro wiggler.) 

I share the stories for you to it’s possible to have it. But, the truth is, you can’t have it unless you’re willing to do the work.

There comes a time to ask yourself, “Am I willing to trade what I know as comfortable? Am I willing to put my whole fucking heart and soul in this to see who I am on the other side?”

It is not easy. But it is simple. 

And if you’ve ever gone after anything impossible in your life and found yourself just past the finish line, you have what it takes to do this, too. 

You claiming more of yourself is whatever you want to make it. You can literally go after anything you want. All you have to do is decide. 

AND NOW FOR THE STORY. 

The other night, I attended an event that I’d never been to before for people who consider themselves intuitive to practice and play with using their intuition with each other. (I’m such a party animal!) Each person would take a turn asking a question that they were looking for guidance on, and then if anyone in the room felt something come through for that person, they could share it. 

I didn’t come with a question I was looking to have answered, but when it was my turn, I simply asked if anyone had anything that I needed to hear.

A bunch of people popped up with a few word answers. Sunshine, play, I needed to receive more appreciation. 

But there was one man who took it a step further. 

These are the words he said to me: 

“There’s a depth and a profoundness to you. I see a beautiful alter in a church, and there is so much healing for others. But…it’s also like there’s something missing for you. Like, where’s the holy in the holy water?”

I knew exactly what he meant. 

It was a moment where I felt so clearly seen that I was moved to tears by the words of this complete stranger. I couldn’t escape; he was on to me, and had perhaps revealed one of the most intimate things about me without necessarily knowing what it was. 

I opened myself up so he could see me, and he did. There is no better feeling. 

Remember that list?

The things I mentioned that have transformed in my life over the last six years? I would add one to the list: being seen. It’s a reward in and of itself. And I would be a jerk (and lying to you) if I didn’t share that I wouldn’t have any one of the other things on the list if I hadn’t been willing to be seen first. 

You have to be willing to be seen. You have to be willing to do the work. You know where to find me when you are. 

Have you ever lost a permanent tooth? That shit’s a big deal. 

So, when my kid came to me a couple weeks ago, saying that this tooth was loose, I brushed it off (while silently hoping it would handle itself.)  I told him to try to chew on the other side of his mouth, and that I’d call the dentist. 

See, I thought that the tooth he was pointing to was a permanent tooth coming in. (He’d had his baby tooth pulled from that spot when he was four, and for many years it was empty…and now it wasn’t!)  

I forgot to call the dentist. (That’s right, mother of the year!!)

But then, last week, he mentioned it was bothering him again, that it felt really wiggly, and that he was scared it was going to fall out. He also showed me a bleeding gum (which I didn’t love, to be honest.) I told him to try to chew on the other side of his mouth, and that I’d call the dentist. 

I googled and found that I should probably be in touch with the dentist. I forgot again. But this time, just for 24 hours!

So then next day, when I spoke with the dentist, she asked that I take a couple pictures of his teeth and send them over so she could have a look. I sent the photos and she called me back. 

She basically said, “Uh, lady, that’s a baby tooth.” 

In that moment, everything changed.

First, I felt like an idiot, but that’s a story for another day. 

But, second, all the places I’d been holding on relaxed. I no longer had to worry about spending the rest of the day traveling to a dentist a four-hour round trip away, or the expense associated with fixing a permanent tooth that falls out, or dealing with my kid’s very strong emotional response to the idea of losing a grown up tooth. Or 900 other things that I will spare you because no one needs to go that far into the recesses of my mind. 

I hung up the phone with the dentist, told the kid it was a baby tooth, and it was totally cool if it fell out. Literally 10 minutes later, he bit down on an apple and the tooth fell out.

Letting go isn’t easy, but there’s such relief.

He’d been trying to keep that tooth in his mouth because he thought that was what was supposed to happen. When he realized that what was happening was “OK,” he could let go of trying to control what happened with it. 

Baby teeth wisdom.

So, really major change, fast, comes with two key steps:

1. Accept what is right now. 
2. Let go of trying to influence the outcome. 

(Yes, that was a long buildup to a quick bottom line, but it really can be that simple.)

Your turn. 

What’s something in your life that you’ve been dissatisfied with that you’ve been trying to influence? What would happen if you just let go? Tell me in the comments below.

For many years, I suffered from debilitating neck pain. When I was in my early twenties, whenever I’d go home to see my parents, my neck would basically seize up so that I couldn’t turn my head. (Remember that not-so-good relationship I had with my mom? Yeah, I was pretty sure that was the culprit.) This happened often enough that I gave it a name: stress neck.

Stress neck came back with a vengeance (and way more frequently) after having a baby and enduring the stress of a not-working-at-all marriage. And then again after a divorce and juggling all the balls of a demanding little person, a job, and trying to make it all work. 

It was something I came to accept as my body’s reaction to stress. But I hated it. I would lose days being miserable and hopped up on hippie pain killers. I’d sometimes see the chiropractor four days a week. It was a costly condition on more than one level.

But about a year ago, I heard something that made perfect sense to me for some reason: you not feeling good (physically or emotionally) is a sign that you are not keeping up with your own internal desire for expansion.

Translation: there’s something deeper you want for yourself, but you’re not letting yourself move toward it, so there’s internal friction. (And, depending on how much you want the thing, sometimes A LOT of internal friction.)

I knew this was the source of my neck pain.

When I heard that, I was like, “Oh! That’s why my neck hurts all the time.” It made perfect sense to me, though I couldn’t have explained why. 

I was willing to entertain the remedy, especially if it meant my neck wouldn’t hurt anymore. The brief explanation of the remedy is this: connect with the most expanded (biggest dreaming) version of yourself as often as you can, and live from that place. 

Why is it so hard to tap into that person regularly?

I just finished reading Becoming Supernatural (Dr. Joe Dispenza), where he shares the science of why so many people remain stuck in the lives they don’t really want. One of the core ideas was that our brains are incredible at playing out what comes next based on a body of evidence of what we’ve known in the past.

So, our desire to know the outcome has us essentially dragging the past forward into our future. We can’t change reality if we keep creating the same one, over and over. If you wake up every day and go through the same motions, you’re not allowing any space for a different idea or a different action – so five years later, of course you’re living the same life. This can be so frustrating.

Join who you are now with who you want to be.

In order to get to where you’re headed, you probably need new ideas and new experiences to build that bridge. Here are a few ways to do that. 

Meditation. We can tap into our most expanded version of ourselves best in our sub-conscious. Why? Because there aren’t any distractions of the real world, jobs, kids, traffic, you name it. If you can touch the most expanded part of yourself in meditation, you can bring it that part of yourself into the world and make choices, have ideas, and solve problems through that lens. 

Be present. If you are going through the motions and predicting the future before the future has happened, nothing can be different. But, bringing your attention to right now, and what is in front of you right now will allow for different questions and different answers to emerge. (This is a significant part of why I talk about feelings so much around here; noticing feelings and the sensations in your body are one way to practice being more present.)

Give up the need to know. It’s not enough to just be present; you have to stop pulling for the outcome in the way you think it should happen. I know this is really scary sometimes. This is where knowing and trusting yourself is essential – when you can do this, you can really let go.

And, like I mentioned last week, act as if you are already that higher version of yourself.

You are not static, you just have to build new experiences of yourself.

I don’t want to go touting miracle cures for odd health symptoms, but since I’ve started a daily meditation practice, I no longer have regular neck pain, and it never gets to the level it used to. And if pain crops up, I know that something I’m doing is out of alignment with the higher version of myself.

To have something be different, you have to do something different. Tell me, what are you ready to do differently?Y