I’ve been having a lot of conversations with women lately about boundaries (and how much we collectively struggle with them!)
Let’s say you grew up in a family where the way you learned how to cope with some dysfunction was to not have your own needs, or where you needed to take care of someone else. Your sense of safety relied upon not having boundaries that served you.
There are a million different examples of why not having boundaries occurs, but the important thing is, when we don’t have good boundaries, we often close off our hearts.
And then you arrive at a place where part of you really, truly wants to have an open heart. It becomes necessary for reaching the next level of your life. (A life where you love yourself as much as you love others. This happens in romantic relationships, with children, with friends, family, bosses, clients, really anywhere you are interacting with other people!)
It is is impossible to have (and keep) an open heart without solid boundaries.
So first, the desires.
That life where you love yourself as much as you love others? That’s a desire. Put some finer details on it, like a partner that respects you, like friendships that nurture you, like work that feels fulfilling. All of those are desires.
You must know what you want. You must put as much detail to what you want as possible. You must be clear that those wants are yours. You must be clear that they are the biggest version of the desires you have. Expansive.
Boundaries are the structure that allows you to realize those desires.
If you want to be in a long term relationship, you may create a boundary around only dating people who are available for that.
If you want to be an entrepreneur that enjoys time off, you may create a boundary around your work hours and days off.
If you want to create more productive time at work, you may create a boundary around how/when someone can interrupt your work.
The boundaries support the desire…and when held, they allow for your heart – and your energy – to remain open.
All the things that we need to have boundaries around, but don’t, are the things that cause contraction. They are the places that we sense we need protection but don’t have any, so we must curl inward to stay safe.
Boundaries allow us to remained unfurled.
Boundaries keep us safe.
Boundaries support us in our choices.
Boundaries are there when our conditioning compels us to cave.
Boundaries are a way of saying that I love myself as much as I love you.
What’s something in your life that you’re wanting/trying to create? What are the boundaries you need to hold around it to support that desire and really let it come alive? Leave a commetn and let me know – I read and respond to every one!