What you are about to read has nothing to do with sex. I repeat. Nothing to do with sex. So, yep, I’m going to mention sex, but it’s not the point, so hang with it if that’s not the kind of thing you want to read about. Especially if it’s the kind of thing you don’t like to read about.
I want you to think back for a moment to a memorable orgasm you’ve had in the presence of a partner. Masturbating doesn’t count for this one.
(Don’t worry, no one is listening to your thoughts. I promise, it’s safe.)
In the moment of climax, what was happening?
Energy coursing through your body.
Sounds emerging from your throat and mouth. Maybe tears falling from your eyes.
Muscle contractions in your genitals and possibly other parts of your body.
Maybe a fart even escaped. (Gah, I know, but it happens sometimes.)
In that moment of climax, you were sheer power. A generator of pure life force.
You were powerful beyond belief. But you were not in control.
Everything mentioned above was happening without your conscious effort. (Because, let’s face it, if we could climax without the occasional fart, I imagine we would.)
Your power was only able to move through you because you were not restricting it.
(If you’ve never experienced the power of an orgasm like this, don’t worry. You’re not broken, and nothing is wrong. I’m not going to talk about this more here, but if this is something on your mind and you want to discuss it with me privately, feel free to reach out.)
You can have power or control, but not both.
Orgasms are just an analogy for the distinction between power and control, an illustration that you can have one or the other, but not both simultaneously.
Control is managed. Power is unleashed. You can’t unleash something and manage it at the same time.
Think of a river and a dam.
The river flows freely; sometimes slow, sometimes fast. But the speed and the force (the power) with which the river flows is dictated by things that are out of anyone’s control: snow melt in the mountains above, rainfall – things that ebb and flow with the cycles of nature.
A dam is built to harness and control the power of a river. Floodgates can open and close to varying degrees and for different lengths of time, but this doesn’t change the amount of power that the river itself holds.
Your need to control (and be in control) is keeping you and others from feeling your power.
The truth is, most of us started in the world being pure power. It was through the guidance of parents, teachers, partners, bosses, and other experiences that we internalized the messages of needing to control certain things.
Don’t be too loud.
Don’t have too much of an opinion.
Don’t eat too much.
Don’t dress like that.
Don’t want what you want.
This list could go all the way in to next week, but you get the idea.
And somewhere along the way, you forgot just how powerful you really are. And you began to covet control, the apparently more distinguished and appropriate cousin of power. (But they truly couldn’t be more distant cousins.)
You’ve gotten real good at control. You control yourself. You like to control situations too. (I see you over there getting all fired up about people doing things differently than the way you think is right!)
But it just doesn’t serve you to control any of that shit anymore.
It’s keeping potential partners from feeling how you really feel.
It’s keeping them at arm’s length (or further even).
They don’t know where you stand. (Maybe you don’t either.)
It’s keeping them from seeing you.
And nobody can love you if they can’t see you.
A women who is fully aware of the power she holds has no need to control.
Are you ready to trade in control for real, undeniable power? It’s big. It’s life-changing. And it’s so much more laid back than having to manage all the time. (The bonus is you have more energy for the other awesome stuff in your life!)
In the comments below, share one place in your life you’d like to reclaim your power AND what you’ll have to give up control of in order to do it.