You are worthy beyond belief. (And so am I, incidentally.)
I’ve been thinking about this concept a lot lately, and why for some of us, our fundamental worth as human beings is less believable to us. It’s as if, somewhere along the way, we decided that we needed to unlock some particular earthly achievement to be eligible for consideration of worthiness.
I’m only worthy if…
- I meet the standards of my friends and family in terms of career, money, friends, stuff, how often I travel, how often I hang with my kid, and any other random indicators of success they choose.
- I work hard, use my time productively.
- I give back to my community.
- I do what other people expect of me, when they expect it.
- I make responsible choices.
- I’m really busy.
- I’m conventionally beautiful and hold myself to socially-endorsed beauty practices.
- I take up exactly the right amount of space – not too much, not too little.
- I load the dishwasher in the “right” way.
Why? Who said so? Who’s rules?
Have you ever gotten a gift from someone who exclaims, “Oh, I saw this and immediately thought it was perfect for you!” It may be perfect for you through their lens of you, but that doesn’t make it perfect for you through your lens of you.
Why? Because you are the only one that knows what is right for you! Sure, people can make recommendations and introduce you to new things, but ultimately, you are the authority on you.
This is why generalized outside evaluations of worth are worthless.
It doesn’t matter who you are right this moment: the jerky thing you just said to a co-worker, the ice cream you ate for breakfast, the date you totally bombed, the less-than-flattering photo someone posted of you, the guilt you feel for not wanting to go to the stupid family bbq. You are worthy.
You don’t have to be your best self to be worthy. You just are.
(Incidentally, I sort of hate the term “best self.” I think it implies striving for perfection, when I’d prefer to think of it as striving for authenticity – so, let’s just call it, You, Unedited.) And funny enough, there are two roads to get to You, Unedited.
Road #1: You believe you are worthy, and you regularly practice doing things that reinforce that you are. For example, you believe in your worthiness that everything you want is actually possible. Included in what you want is a really amazing, fulfilling relationship with a man that feels like a true partner. So the practice is in both turning toward having that, and turning away from everything that is not that.
Road #2: You don’t exactly feel worthy, but would like to. So you regularly practice doing things in the way you would if you felt worthy – because you can certainly imagine it, and over time, you expand your sense of worthiness! Ta-da! For example, you aren’t sure you can have the relationship you want that is amazing and fulfilling with a man who feels like a true partner, but you are willing to find out! So the practice is in envisioning what you would do if you knew that were available to you, and turning toward having that, and turning away from everything that is not that.
Road #1 is an overpass, Road #2 is a tunnel.
You’ve probably already put this together, but the two roads just aren’t that different in that they get you to the same place. You can align your habits with who you are or you can align your habits with who you want to be. But, it all comes down to habits and working with what feelings come up as you are doing this – and dismantling the ones that just aren’t true.
And while both roads can benefit greatly from extra support, Road #2 practically demands it for lasting change. And that’s because we can’t see what we can’t see. And if we’ve never been there before and don’t even know what it looks like, we sure as heck can’t see it.
How would your life be different if you decided you wanted to be worth it?
I can tell you one way. You would know, without a doubt, that you could have everything you want and more in your relationships (and other parts of your life, too).
If you’re ready to start exercising the muscle of worthiness, the upcoming online workshop on How to Have More might be for you! Spots are going quickly – will you be one of the lucky ladies to grab a seat?
At only $197, you will walk away with way more than your money’s worth! And, there’s no guarantee I’ll do it again, so if it’s calling you, sign up! Go here for the details.