Picture it. You’re driving down the road in a sweet, late 1970s-model station wagon. Probably a Chevy, but honestly, it doesn’t matter. It’s brown and has wood paneling on the sides. And an 8-track cassette player.
There’s a carload of people that look just like you. Only thing is, they all have different personalities.
There’s the one who wants to turn the radio up and listen to Duran Duran really loud.
There’s the one who wants to color, needs a snack, and always wants to cuddle.
There’s the one who’s super responsible and holding it all together.
And there’s the one who knows at the core what’s right for you.
They’re all trying to go somewhere, but not necessarily the same place.
So it’s like you’re navigating the station wagon in one giant fucking 12-point turn.
You may not be a NASCAR driver, but you know a 12-point turn is ridiculous. A 12-point turn takes forever. You move an inch forward, then a couple inches back, then another inch forward. The lack of progress is maddening, and you basically turn in circles. (If you don’t believe me, go out to an empty parking lot right now and give it a shot.)
You think you want to start eating better.
You want to start standing up for yourself more, speaking up when you feel unheard.
You think you need better habits so you can be more productive.
You probably need an accountability partner. Yeah, that will make this all go smoother.
But, no matter what accountability you have, what new habits you bring, you can’t seem to make the progress you want – in whatever place you’re stuck.
And because you’re likely not dating or in relationship at the moment, this is feels like an irrelevant article from a lady like me.
The way you do one thing is the way you do everything.
And if your car is stuck in a 12-point turn in your career, or your fitness regimen, or your house-buying mission, it’s sure as hell stuck in a 12-point turn when it comes to relationships.
If you want to get your car to move, you gotta get everybody in the station wagon in their proper seats.
The coloring maniac eating goldfish crackers CANNOT be the driver. She can’t even reach the pedals and the steering wheel simultaneously, not to mention see over the dashboard.
The one who’s super responsible can’t drive either – she’s always worried that there’s going to be an accident and someone else might get hurt.
And the one who wants to crank up the radio and listen to Duran Duran? Well, she’s a fine driver, but no one else in the station wagon is going to last very long if they have to listen to Duran Duran the whole time, so everyone else is better off when she’s in the back seat.
If you want to move toward a particular destination, you gotta address the needs of all the passengers.
We all have different personas, or archetypes, within us that want to be heard, seen, and attended to. When the various archetypes aren’t getting their needs met, they start a mutiny. They jump into the driver’s seat and take over the wheel. (Which can be frustrating as hell, because with all the fighting over where the car is headed, it’s hard to get much of anywhere.)
If you have somewhere you want to go, you’ve gotta get all the passengers to agree to the destination. And not just agree because they’re tired of fighting. Each archetype has to trust that they’ve been heard and can have what they want – so they can be like one happy family of identical quadruplets heading to the same place.
How to make everyone in the hideous station wagon happy.
To get out of the dreaded 12-point turn and finally start heading toward your destination, first, you have to decide what has you stuck. What’s a decision you’ve been wanting to make that you just can’t?
Then you have to identify your passengers. Four is a good number. More than that and they start to blend together.
What happens next is a conversation with each passenger to hear what they want and what they need to see if you can get some consensus.
I’m not gonna lie – this is a tricky conversation to have with yourself. If you’ve been on the fence about deciding whether you want a relationship or not – and you’re ready to be unstuck about that particular decision – I want to help you. FOR FREE.
Go here to schedule a TOTALLY FREE call where we’ll chat a bit and do exactly this exercise and you’ll be clear at the end of it what’s next for you. No more stuck.
And, in case you were wondering, I’m doing this because I like you and want to see you move into having all the great stuff that happens once you decide – either way.