Our brains are amazing. They are so good at sifting and sorting and putting thoughts and ideas into categories.
So, we go to work. And we work really hard, and some days are good and some days suck, but we do our best to leave it there.
And then we come home. To chores, to friends, to kids, to our own wellness habits. And we put all of those in different buckets too.
In between putting everything in its own perfect category, we make it impossible to put two and two together to pinpoint what is actually going on. What the problem is. Why you’re so tired. Why your relationships start off great and then fizzle almost overnight. Why you feel consistently frustrated, even though you have a life that you mostly like.
Tackling the isolated problems doesn’t work.
So you read “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up” so that you can do a better job with staying on top of your housework.
You listen to podcasts on productivity hacks to try to squeeze more hours out of the day. You’re sure there’s a way to be more superhuman than you are already…you’ve just got to find it.
And yet, the solutions leave you feeling better for a bit, but don’t quite bring the relief you were hoping for.
Spoiler alert: because the problem you think is the problem isn’t the problem.
Now, I’m not calling you stupid. Because a) clearly you’re not, and b) I’m not in the habit of calling people stupid much. But I am saying you’re not digging deep enough.
You don’t need more coffee, or more time at the gym, or to eat better.
You don’t need to set your alarm at 5 am, prep meals for the week, and move to a capsule wardrobe.
You don’t need to get better at dating, or learn how to send great texts, or at letting men come to you.
Wait. Before we go any further – all those things are great, IF, and only IF, you’ve hit on the issues that hang out a layer or two below that and you’re choosing all of that stuff because you want to and it feels good.
What could be more of a problem than not having enough energy, or not taking good care of yourself, or not being ready for your days?
Feeling like it’s your job to save everyone, or that you’re a huge failure if you don’t do all the things you “should,” or that someone will find you out, that’s what.
All the tiny things you want to do better? You don’t really want to change them. You want to change the underlying thing that makes you think you need to change them.
Enter: my superpower.
I see buckets.
(Haha, kind of like Macauley Culkin in The Sixth Sense, “I see dead people.”)
Our conversation might start in one place about relationships…and before we know it, I’m noticing you saying exactly the same words about your job, or your mother, or some argument you’re having with your neighbor.
And, like a good lawyer (but with nothing to prove – is that an oxymoron?), I lay out the evidence in front of you so you can look at it yourself. Just like that, you can see clearly the thing about you that strings together almost every issue in your life. And then we look at what you want to do differently.
The most fun part of all? I’ll write you a hall pass for permission to do it differently.
Are you ready to find the thread running through all the buckets?
If you’ve been staying away from or having difficulty with relationships, chances are it’s not just about relationships. There’s a thread that’s showing up in other parts of your life too.
Want to start to see your threads? Go here to book a completely complimentary, no-strings-attached, 90-minute call with me, and we’ll dive right in.