The wound is the place where light enters you. – Rumi
I watched A Wrinkle In Time last night with my kid. This quote came up in the movie more than once, which was funny, because variations of it have been on my mind for the last month or so.
Also, I’d like Oprah to be my mom.
Our wounds. We all have them. Most of us don’t want to talk about them. We see it as re-living a past we can’t change. Or, we fear that it will drag us back into an infinity of negativity that just doesn’t feel good.
But, what if…
What if examination of the wounds revealed our greatest super powers?
My core wound is abandonment. There, I said it.
I had always felt that being left was inevitable. It was just an eventual outcome.
I used to think it meant that there was something very wrong with me. It really couldn’t have been farther from the truth, but I was too young to sort that out.
So, fear of being left drove the show. Protecting against people leaving me played a significant part in my actions. (Of course, it took me a long time to even see that was what I was doing.) It was the reason I did some things and not others. It was the reason I held back.
That fear kept so much of the love I had to give locked inside.
It kept me wound very tightly, kept me measuring my investment of time, energy, emotion. I was so afraid I would be left alone. Behind.
And what I’ve come to realize is that it was never about what the other person was doing. It was always whether I was abandoning me – through not doing, not saying, shrinking.
Now, my greatest super power comes through in the form of not abandoning myself.
When I pay attention to what I need – whether that’s who I need to be in any given moment, what I need to say, or what I choose to give my energy to – I can show up with more love than I ever imagined (for myself and others).
This happens in my love life, but also in my parenting, in how I show up as a daughter, an ex-wife, a friend, with clients, as a stranger on the path with other humans.
But this isn’t really about me and my wounds. It was just to paint the picture.
It’s to remind you that you have so much love to give. And there is so much love waiting for you to receive.
I know you want more love. So you try to be more loving. And if you’re anything like me, you’ll be conscious about it for a little while, and then get snagged in the patterns of day to day life. A conversation with a co-worker who gets the best of you, a lunch date with your mom, someone that rubs you the wrong way at a time when you just can’t really take it.
It’s not easy, I know. But the first step is finding more grace with yourself. When we have that, we can extend it to others.
So, let’s start there.
How can you be more loving to yourself? I’m not talking bubble baths and spa days. I’m talking daily practices and habits that really demonstrate your belief that you are loved.
Doing what you want to do, at least a little bit every day.
Asking for help.
Being less hard on yourself.
If you knew you were loved for certain, what are the things you would do differently? Leave a comment below and let me know.